What, no one wants to hear my funny dog story? Geez.

I have two big social events this weekend. I've attended both
in the past, so I kind of know what to expect. I'm not looking
forward to the one tonight. It's at a small gallery and there
will be tons of people there with no places for them to sit which
means I'll be looking at asses all night. Now some of you
(especially if you are a guy), might be thinking, "And that's
a bad thing?" Yes, it is a bad thing. For me it is. I'm sick
of asses. I'm assed out. I wouldn't go tonight if I didn't
have to.

Tomorrow's event isn't something I have to go to. I'm not quite
sure why I've chosen to go. Most of it involves a sit down dinner
though, which is good considering I'll be able to look at people's
faces instead of their asses. BTW, if you've got any spare good
luck wishes you could send my way, I'd really appreciate it. It's
a fundraiser/dinner/aution and I've got my eye on a $1500 gift
certificate from a local orthodontist. I'm hoping I'll be the
only one to bid on it. That way I could get it for way less than
$1500. And that is a good thing because the kid needs braces.

So, no one wants to hear the funny dog story, but I'm going to tell
it anyway. My dog Trudy always has to be the first one to the
car. Last one to the car is a rotten egg? I keep telling her that
she isn't actually a rotten egg, nor will she become one. It only
smells like she is one a few hours after she steals half of a pizza
or a loaf of bread. Back to the story, the other day my daughter,
my two dogs, and I were headed for the car. Like I said before, Trudy
always has to be the first one to the car. The problem was, she also
had to poop. So she ran to the car while in a poop squat, dropping
turds along the way. Okay, I know this story involves dog poop, and
I'm about as sick of dog poop as I am of asses, but it really was
funny to see.

I won't gross you out with the cat diarrhea story. A few friends were
mad at me when I posted a picture of the dog chocolate barf a while
back. This was way worse than the dog chocolate barf. Way worse.