Monday, February 5, 2007

Would have been nice to have my iBOT today

The day isn't even over and I've already had 5
experiences that have made me wish I had my iBOT.

1. When I took my dogs to the dog park today, it
was a muddy mess. There is a paved path, but when
the dogs do their business, they do it out in the
grassy muddy area. I had to ask another dog person
there to pick up my dog's doo today because I was
afraid of getting stuck in the mud. She had 3 dogs
of her own, so I doubt she minded, but with the iBOT
I would have been able to do it myself.

2. I went to get an oil change and when the guy stuck
his head in my car, he said, "You must have a dog, I can
smell it". So right after that, I went to Target to get
some Febreze. I was also in need of small garbage bags,
and in the want of a new lamp. Located at my eye level,
the Febreze wasn't a problem. The other two items were.
I spent a good 45 minutes looking at lamps and shades
and mixing and matching. There was one shade on the very
top shelf that I couldn't reach. I couldn't decide if the
shade was ugly or cool. I wanted to see it up close, and
there was a customer close by that I could have asked to
get it for me, but, uh, I was embarassed. I thought she
would think it was the ugliest lamp shade she ever saw,
and she would laugh at me for wanting it. Seriously.
Not laugh out loud at me, but go home that evening and
say to her husband, "I was at Target today and this lady
in a wheelchair asked me to get a lamp shade down for her
and it was the most hideous shade I've ever seen!" I ended
up buying no lamp and no lamp shade. None of them did
anything for me except for the ugly one.

3. Still in Target, I went for the garbage bag section. The
bottom 5 or so shelves were filled over 32 million boxes of all
brands and types of large garbage bags. The 2 boxes of small
garbage bags that they had were on the very top shelf. Much to
my surprise, there was no one around to get one of the boxes
for me. Now I don't know what was up with that, cuz the garbage
bag section is usually the happening aisle... It was rather
early so I guess all the cool kids were still in bed, dreaming
of their day of hanging in the garbage bag aisle as well as
recovering from yesterday's garbage bag aisle hanging. Anyway,
I didn't feel like waiting and so I left without my garbage bags.

But it wasn't a completely useless trip to Target because my
car now smells like Febreeze with a hint of dog. And I'm also
in possession of a bag of rocket balloons and a sponge that I
didn't have before. Did you know that it's impossible to
leave Target without more things than you planned on purchasing?
Today I left with only 2 extra things, which is quite an
accomplishment if I do say so myself.

4. At home in the hallway. I've got this box of junk that
isn't usually in the hallway. It's slowly making it's way
to Goodwill. It might make it a few more feet closer to the
door tomorrow. I figure by this time next year, it will have
arrived at it's Goodwill destination. Since I'm not used
to it being there, I apparently cut it a bit too close
and I crushed my finger between my wheel and the corner
of the bench. I just now looked at it, and there is a pretty
bruise there. This happened to my middle finger. Oh geez, I
just realized that I'm probably being punished by a higher
power because I've made too much use of that finger lately.

5. On my front porch. I'm out there getting the newspaper
and I'm in a hurry because there is a huge spider above me
and I want to get out of there as soon as possible. I crash
into the porch bench, smashing my finger on my other hand.
For real. Not my middle finger though. It was my pointer
finger. What the??? I guess I'm also being punished for
all the pointing and laughing at people.

What is it with my fingers and benches? I suppose next a bench
will fall from the sky and crush my pinky finger because I use
the nail on that one for snorting all that cocaine. Stupid
bench gods. I really think life would be better without them.

Please note: I am joking about benches falling from the sky.
I don't flip people off. I don't point at people. I don't
snort cocaine. Kids don't hang out in the garbage bag aisle.

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